I understand Curling. That high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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