I accidentally had phone sex last night
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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