I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
