paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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