Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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