he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
