Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
