I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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