with your own penis?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
