Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
