i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
