We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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