I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
