I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize