she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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