how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
