I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
