brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have aggressive nipples.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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