Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
