on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
