these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
