This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
