I wanna passion pit in your ass
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
