I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
another moral hangover. fuck.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
