You made me cry and you don't even care
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
