I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
