Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
