I hate your face
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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