I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
