My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize