those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
