it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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