Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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