Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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