and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
