Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
