im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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