So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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