You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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