U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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