Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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