Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
