I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
