Buhtt sex?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
