I'm eating all of the evidence.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
