I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
