yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
