So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
