I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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