I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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