just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
