Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
