wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
