we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
