Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
