i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love you. Go after that dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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