there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
