I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
