the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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