You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need a beard to bite.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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