ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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