I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
