and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Those nachos came to me in a dream
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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