We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Girls should come with a carfax report
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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