I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
