Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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