Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't think brook has ever known best
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
