I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
