R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
