Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
