turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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