just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
