look no pants
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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