if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
