i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there's paper in my vomit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
