hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
