Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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