Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
