I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize