So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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