is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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