just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
