I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
