He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
