is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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