Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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