Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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